Week 14 Power Spankings by M.Barr of Trash Talk Sports

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You know, for a team that has recently been the butt of everyone’s joke, the Shit Show that is the New York Jets somehow find themselves involved in playoff scenario talks. How fucking unreal is that? Or better yet, there are 13 teams in the NFL with a worse record than the Jets, teams whose player’s actions have disgraced their organizations and still, the Jets are crucified, for what, the Tebow debacle? Get over it. And in all honesty, while everyone else was busy getting fat off their rinky dink schedules early on, the Jets were battling Pittsburgh, San Francisco, Houston, Seattle and New England who they played twice. That’s a pretty tough fucking lineup for anyone, whether the games were played at home or on the road. Did I mention how limited the Jets were on talent? Did I mention we have a pussy for a QB? Did I mention our best players on both sides of the ball went down early on for the duration of season? So laugh it up fuckers, because now it’s our turn to prey on the weak, and if we happen to pull off the improbable feat of running the table and having shit fall into place for us so that we may snatch the final playoff spot, I’ll be looking for my boys to rock out with their cocks out simply because they are somewhere no one expected them to be, and anything can happen there. Here is the deal:

How Pittsburgh can help: Lose two of their final 3 games. Bottom line here is Pittsburgh cannot win 9 games. That will leave us fucked, as they own the head to head against the Jets. Who does Pittsburgh play? @DAL, VS Cincinnati, VS Cleveland, no cake walk.

How Cincinnati can help: I’m not sure how it works with Cincy if they were to win 9 games, but I do know we need them to lose their final two games so that tie breakers are a non-issue. They close the season with two brutal division games, one of them being against Pittsburgh @ Heinz Field and then they host the Ravens for the final game of their regular season. LET’S HOPE HARBOUGH PLAYS HIS STARTERS! The Bengals are in a similar position the Jets were in back in ’09.

Long shot with Colts: Should the Colts fall apart at the seams and lose their final 3 games, it would give us the edge over them as we whooped that ass earlier on this season. So if Pittsburgh ends up 9-7 and Indianapolis ends up 9-7 we own a tie breaker, this of course assuming that the Bengals lose their final two. I know, it’s confusing, that’s why I packed a bowl before I typed it.

Finally, none of the above means shit if the Jets don’t handle business and post W’s for the duration of the season.

How Tebow can help: Pray his balls off!

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On to the Week 15 Power Spankings, there were plenty of those, and all 3 MVP candidates came out to play.

#5

CHI @ MIN

sw18-adrian-1212-4_3_r560Seems like yesterday the Chicago Bears were 7-0, sitting comfortably atop their Division, flaunting a nasty top ranked D, and then they started playing the good teams, and it was downhill from there. The reeling Bears paid a visit to Minnesota to take on Adrian Peterson and the Minnesota Defense. AP pounded out 154yds on the ground while punching in 2 TD’s in their 21-14 division win over Chicago. This was the 7th time this season Peterson has surpassed the century mark, the guy has been fucking unbelievable, a freak of nature. It has not even been a year since that late season game in Washington in which he tore his ACL and still, he’s managed to amass 1600+yds rushing. And with the Vikings sitting at 6-6, they needed every yard he provided to keep their playoff hopes alive. It’s the type of shit an MVP does, the type of season the Comeback Player of the Year has. Just so that it is noted, I understand a Power Spanking should reflect in a score, I know the margin of victory should be wider than 7, but it’s not the score that blew me away, AP showed that he will run the ball on anyone, he followed up that unbelievable performance from last week, with this performance, he’s been consistent, how could I not recognize him for what he has done? With the Victory the Vikes sit at 7-6 and kept their slim playoff hopes alive. As for the Bears, they are struggling at 8-5 clinging to that final playoff spot.

#4

DEN @ OAK

BRONCOS WEEK 10 PSHere is another guy in Peyton Manning who sat out the entire 2011 NFL season while he underwent 4 neck surgeries and yet it seems like he hasn’t skipped a beat. Of course he needed to get the rust off in the first few games, and at times it seemed like he would never be the Peyton of old. He has proved that it was all football blasphemy to doubt ever doubt him, the thought of his skills diminishing are now a thing of the past as Denver has locked up their Division and cruised to their 8th straight victory when they took it to the lowly Raiders 26-13. Manning would throw for 310yds and a touchdown in this game as he continued to make his case for the Comeback Player of the Year as well as the League MVP. Altogether on the season Manning has completed nearly 70% of his passes (68.3), has thrown for 30 TD’s to just 10 INT’s and has thrown for 300+ yds in 7 games this season. Again, these are the # and MVP would put up, it’s the stuff legends are made of.

#3

NO @ NYG

wilsonweb11s-1-webSo the Saints came into New Jersey and had their egos marched on. It’s no secret, despite the brilliance of Drew Breese, it’s become clearer and clearer that Sean Payton was the brains of the outfit. Rookie RB David Wilson ran wild on the Saints in just about every which way one can possibly run wild on an opponent. Wilson became the first player in NFL history to collect 200+ yds on special teams as well as 100+yds from the backfield. A nice accomplishment for Bradshaw’s replacement, but the back flipping bullshit has to go, Coughlin don’t like that shit. But he does like blowing out a conference opponent, and that is exactly what the G-men did. A 52-27 blowout. This just goes to show the league that the November Blues are far behind the Giants as they seem poised to make another run at this thing. I’ve said from the begging of the season how I feel about the Giants, as much as I hate them, I have grown to respect them, and when these fuckers get hot and that front 4 gets it going and that retard Eli goes into Rain man mode, it’s not too farfetched to speak of another Giant/Patriots Super Bowl. Eli and company now head down to ATL to take on the overrated Falcons who lost to the Panthers last week, to hear Trash Talk Sport’s T.D. Hawks tell it in his Trash Talk Giants Game day Preview; Giants leave there with a victory 27-17. I could see that.

#2

HOU @ NE

bradySOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Tom Brady whipped his cock out on the big screen and boy, how could you not consider this guy an MVP candidate. He picked apart the Houston Texans in a 28 point blowout 42-14, in what many believe to have been a preview of the AFC Championship game. If Houston plays like that again, I’m sure Brady and Belechick will have no problem embarrassing them in another big game. Keep in mind that the Texans were blown out by the Packers and then went on to return the favor the following week against the Ravens, by no means is this beginning of the end for the Texans, they just played a really good team that they do not match up well against. That’s all I got to say about that. As far as Brady and the MVP, I feel he has to be the front runner, plain and simple. Where would NE be without him? How would that offense operate without him? Put someone else under center aside from Peyton Manning and does that offense perform the same? Better yet, who the fuck only turns the ball over 4 times? Here are his Numbers; he’s completed 64% of his passes for 3,833yds with 29 TD’s and 4 INT’s. Not to mention yet another 10+ game win season and another AFC East title. I hate the fucking Patriots.

#1

ARI @ SEA

This will be brief. It’s hard to win or even play well in Seattle when they have that 12th man behind them. it is even harder when you suck. Hence the case of the Arizona Cardinals, who after starting 4-0 have shit the bed and dropped 10 straight when the Seahawks tore them a new asshole in a 58-0 victory.

This win proves one thing about the Seahawks, you have to have one hell of an attention span to mentally stay in a game of that nature. There is only one way I figure you can remain that focused in a blowout of that magnitude. Anyone else want to chime in?

adderall-the-drug-of-choice

M.Barr

Trash Talk Sports

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